When playing with this mod it came to me: why don't we unload trains with inertia? Brake the train the moment it enters the station at full speed, so it flings its cargo through the air into the loading area. That'd be pretty funny.

While this is quite possibly the greatest idea I've ever heard, it's unfortunately very difficult to override the normal automatic train driving, part of which slows down trains as they pull into stations. Ive tried it in the past with no luck but watch out if I ever do cause this is going in right away lol

Best of luck! I'll stay tuned.

So I still don't know how to reliably manipulate trains to run into train stations at full speed but I did create your idea implemented as the Impact Wagon that has to slam into a block of concrete to vomit out all its contents. You can check it out in the newest version if you're interested!

oh my god you absolute madman you actually did it!

feedback: so I gave it a shot in creative mode. filled a 2-4 train full of IR2 iron ingots, and slammed into the block at full speed. the game promptly became a slideshow lol. projectiles are definitely slowing it down, but placing the items is even worse lol. granted, I had nothing to store it - I'm guessing only the iron chests without tops work? about to see if the lag is more manageable with tons of chests placed to store the goods

EDIT: so having chests placed to hold the items help with the lag a lot. now, for some more feedback.

can you set it up so that the block of concrete shows an estimate of where the items drop? I placed a ton of chests in my test (https://puu.sh/IoTmQ/6fbeb9addf.png) because I wasn't sure where I'd need them, yet I still didn't manage to collect a good portion due to falling off the sides. I did manage to sorta find the splash zone, though (https://puu.sh/IoTo5/51489861b0.jpg).

still, as you can see here (https://puu.sh/IoToz/415d7410d6.png) a lot of chests in the splash zone didn't manage to grab the falling items, which slipped between the chests (and if this didn't happen in your testing, maybe it's because of squeak through?) meaning I can't really rely on collecting the goods here. and it wasn't because the chests were full, either (https://puu.sh/IoTob/0c58e4183e.png). granted, the fact that the only chests that can collect this are the 1 tile iron chests that don't interact with the logistics network means I can't really collect goods this way anyway (inserters can't reach the chests in the middle of the splash zone). as far as I can see, the best use of this would be to landfill a bit of a body of water to make rails going to the center, place it there, and have the train dump tons of nuclear fuel into the ocean as a big middle finger to the biters, but even then, some of the stuff will end up on the side of the tracks instead of in the water (and it'd probably lag like hell lol) (actually, scratch that, it lags a lot, and many items end up on land nowhere near the splash zone lol https://puu.sh/IoTvq/5f7000d9d1.png) so I wouldn't recommend using it like that, either.

could you change the impact unloader into a sort of unloading site? for example, have it be a block of concrete with a big ol chest behind it? and attach a giant basketball hoop on top for the memes. then instead of having items spray wildly, have them get dumped into the backetball hoop? it should be easier to make work, definitely easier on the lag, would be even sillier, and even be an actually usable way to do train unloading. granted, it might look weird if a long train pulls into the concrete slowly yet somehow having the rear carts dumping into the hoop way up front despite there being not nearly enough inertia for that to happen

I never thought about catching the items in chests because, as you found, there isn't really a way to pull from a big block of chests. When testing I had them all fall on a bunch of transport belts. I'll definitely have to see how to make it more functional, but as far as the lag theres a mod setting that will group the items together into less projectiles to help with the lag

I had them all fall on a bunch of transport belts

... why didn't I think of that lol. also, oh, neat, didn't notice that setting existed. "but look way less cool" -well that's a deal breaker- nah I'll raise that lol. guessing I should turn the overflow prevention on too, aye?

while the impact unloader currently sits at "cool, but inefficient", I'm still incredibly impressed you managed to get it to work at all. looking forward to how you improve it moving forward. thanks for your contribution to humanity, making the meme dream a reality

Oh, you actually made it. I can't believe it! Kudos to you.