I can't make it so that the HX always uses as much as the reactor produces. If you're using less power than the reactor produces, it will back up and start producing power after a while. If you don't want to wait, just let it run for a few seconds before connecting it to the grid.
Heaters to reactors isn't supposed to be a 1:1 ratio. Use more than 1 per reactor if 1 isn't enough.